CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
