talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
