A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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