i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
