Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
