it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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