Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm sobbing to NWA
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
