Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
