I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
