how can u be prego again
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
