An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
