I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
