Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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