The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Two words: nipple clamps
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