I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
