the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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