I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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