My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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