Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I believe in your delicious
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
