I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
