I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
