Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
