so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
