my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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