Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
