evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
