Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
