Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
