He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
