Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
