the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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