i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
