wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
