god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
