He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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