based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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