We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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