This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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