I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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