We won't sleep together?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
