Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
