I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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