I must be too annoying 4 u.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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