I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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