Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
