So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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