U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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