Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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