Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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