soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
