we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
